im perfect. imperfect.

every night i lay in my bed with pictures, memories running through my head.  projected like a slideshow in my mind.
often, like other youth, or those young lovers at heart, i see that one person. you.
am i perfect? no.
but i. unlike the world, will always remind you that you are my world.
sometimes i look at the stars and wonder are we alone as a kid i used to think i was puppet in a large play controlled by other plays.  but my strings are always blue. because my mom told me i was special.
when will we completely own ourselves?
i keep forgetting to tell her she is my hero. remember singing me to sleep? or when you took my door down and not remembering why the next morning because of ambien? probably reminded you and dad of your drinking days.
i kissed her.
not my mom, that one remember?
im glad to be in the comfort of my warm bed it was cold tonight. i forgot to tell you im sorry. im sorry.  you didnt believe me when i told you i wasnt perfect.
i need to remember to tell you thank you. thank you.
dad remember when you said you love me? it meant the most on the field in front of everyone.
ill never forget that.
grandpa has alzheimers. does he remember fishing? laughing at how fat i was? did i lose weight because of him?
my uncle calls me beel. its respect i want.
if your not being made fun of your not loved.  atleast thats what they said when you signed into the family.
you say im crazy. i know i am.
but i have a drug for that.
desire and push along are what i need along with the wanted respect to get me where i want to go.
i asked you if you trust me. i dont think you do as much as i want but i can dream.
after all im perfect. wait imperfect.
but i try.  is try a failure word?
i saw you happy tonight. that made the past 418 nights worth it.  but i fell in love hundreds of nights before.  but like tonight. ill see the slideshow of memories.
and tonight is not the last night ill see the light.